Letters - Dearest Husband, Oh My! The awfullest sight.

                                                                                                                                Bemidji, Minn.
                                                                                                                                 Dec. 28, 1901
Dearest Husband;-
Two weeks and five days since I started my last letter to you and now I will try to start another one, possibly I will get it finished sometime. I (chewed) been having somewhat of ------- time since I wrote last, ----- ---- week ago Wednesday I ---- ---- a hard lump coming --- ---my left breast and from -----on inspite (Well its Sun. now and I will try a little more) of all we could do my breast would gather and break. Of course it got so hard, ----- -- bad baby couldn’t nurse and she cannot get enough from the other breast especially when I had fever, then it seemed as though hardly no milk at all would come, so she had to be fed and that didn’t agree with her. My gathered breast got so bad that I finally Tuesday morning sent for Mamy but she couldn’t do much. Xmas forenoon it was the worst (or I -----) We sent for Freem, he administered to me shortly after ------ and I commenced feeling better right away. Mamy ----- come again that after----- and pronounced the breast looking better. We had poultice it nearly all the time and had been afraid we would have to have it lanced by a doctor. --- Mamy said Xmas --- noon that it wouldn’t have to be lanced.

     Well Thursday morning after we got up we found it had broke and since then it has run – Oh My! The awfullest sight. My breast you see, had swelled way out just awful big and that seemed to all have turned to matter. There is a great hole now almost large enough to run the end of a -- ----- into, where it broke ----. The Lord blessed me wonderfully ---- ----- the breast from being --- ---- and from paining me, for -------- when breast is on the --- principle of a large boil.

         I would have gotten along fairly well if it had not have been for getting so discouraged. I had cryed so much the last week or so that it seemed as tho’ I couldn’t quit sometimes. I have --- a great deal more bother to ---- and all this siege that I was the week or so after baby was born, of course that discouraged me. Baby cannot nurse the sore breast yet on account of the hard lump around the nipple but the milky has come back into the breast some again. We had been afraid that breast would dry up entirely. It make baby pretty cross ---- getting enough to eat ---- Aunt Eliza has been trying to help us out the last ---- days by coming down ----- the afternoon and nursing her once. It helps the baby, too, and doesn’t seem to hurt her like cows milk. Oh! I shall be glad when I get so I have plenty of milk for her again, if that ---- ever comes I do hope it will. Another thing that has bother me so much is my nipples being so sore. I just cry at times yet when I try to nurse her and now my right nipple is worse than ever before because she was had to depend on it alone for over a week. I tell you it takes a little courage to put a sore nipple into a baby’s mouth ----- --- or so times a day when ------- hurts so it seems as --- ----- can not hardly stand --- ----- the first few draws and -- -- times longer.

     Well, to change the subject, Christmas is over. I got a new calico dress (ma gave me). Hallie sent me a little silver-gold lined bon-bon dish and the baby a white dress not made. Gladys ----- the baby a little silver, gold cup and Grandma Gould ---- her a little pink outing flannel dress.
Lute gave her cloth for a little white dress before she was a week old. I am looking for some more letters from my Sweetheart but they are slow in getting here again.

      Monday after 3 o’clock and Aunt Eliza had been here and nursed baby again and she is sleeping quite peacefully, the first --- --- since about 6 o’clock this ---- ----. I am feeling quite good this afternoon but --- breast still runs some --- the hard lump is still around the nipple so baby cannot nurse it yet. The other nipple is so sore that I just more than cryed when baby tried to nurse in – night. We have tried --- --- thing we or anybody else ---- thought of, I guess, for sore nipples but cannot get anything that will cure mine. Of course the one on the gathered breast is well because it hasn’t been used for over a week only with the breast pump or else I milk it by hand. Well such is life, but I do wish my nipple would get well and that I would have enough milk for baby for other food just doesn’t agree with her. I have had a lame knee, a --- ---- and wrist and a --- touch of tooth ache as --- --- as ache at different ---- --- during this spell and I ---- --- to be up night’s so much ---- --- care of my breast that I haven’t been undressed for over a week. I just slip off my shoes and lie down when I do have a chance to rest. I have slept pretty good the last few nights.

     Pa is just getting over a boil that was in such a place that he could neither stand up, sit down or lie down in peace, so he had to lie down. It kept him on the bed a week, just about the same time I was the worst, but it has gone or is going way without coming to a head. Oh! We have nearly all been afflicted one way or the other. Ruby ---- well.

     Myrtle Andes sent you a -------- kerchief for Xmas with ---- it also another picture of ==---- babies. She said she ---- would send me a present -----, Ern when he come back.
They had a Xmas tree up in Freem’s neighborhood and got baby a bright colored ball attached ---- rubber string, also Aunt --- sent her a little hood.

     Ralph and Edwin W. came here Monday evening before Xmas on a visit. Edwin has gone to work with Vick and Byron; Ralph is here helping our boys some now.
New years evening and I will again try to right some. I would have written some last evening only I was so tired and ma was reading out loud but it is --- -- as you said last year, that --- --- I can write to you ---- ---- baby’s papa. Darling ---- ---- you Dearly. My heart is --- ----, Dearest, all yours. I have --- --- so many times during my sickness, of my darling-boy and of how happy he would make me if he could only be here. I love you Leon Dearest, -- I love you.

Believe me Dearist I do love you and long for your ---- --- and sweet kisses and caresses.
I am improving right along, my appitite is increasing, and I would feel pretty good if only my right nipple would get well enough for baby, but she cannot nurse the left breast yet to any advantage.
I am so sleepy and tired again this evening that I guess I shall have to stop and make preparations for bed. I may have a chance to send this out to morrow. ----- night Darling, may God ------ as you need, each and every ----- is my prayer.

                                                                                               ever your loving wife
                                                                                                  Alice E. Gould

Jan. 2 We had a good night’s rest last night and feel real good this morning. I love you Darling Huband, I love you fondly, dearly, devotedly.
My heart is yours, I love your’